This Isn't Love
by Love Psycho
Summary: It wasn't more than a cry for brief pleasure and respite from the darkness that was their world. Then why couldn't Kyoko let go? Angsty drabblish one-shot in canon verse. KyoSaya rating for safety


Disclaimer: This is here, thus I don't own _**Puella Magi Madoka Magica**_. Which is why it's so dark...

A/N: Yeah...weird thing I came up with. Doesn't really make sense, but I totally support KyoSaya so...

It's a lot like GrimmIchi in some way. Like, Kyoko is the red haired version of Grimmjow and Sayaka is the blue haired version of Ichigo in certain ways. And, hey, you can make an argument that Grimmjow was helping Ichigo in his weird way (he got his wounds healed and fighting him obviously got Ichigo more experience and power) and Kyoko does that as well. Of course, they both suck at it...

**WARNINGS**: Spoilers to up to episode 9, yuri and hints of explicit content. Doesn't make much sense.

-start-

_This Isn't Love_

This isn't love.

Kyoko knows this very well. _That boy_ is her love and as for Kyoko...

Sayaka makes her _so_ angry all the time, with her black and white world, her justice and kindness makes her hurt

_(because she was once like this so hopeful)_

and she doesn't like it one bit.

But this _(hot, sweaty and rushed)_ is the little bit of happiness they need.

They don't deserve it. But this...they _need_ it. They are in a dark world now. They asked for it, though they didn't know it when they did. So maybe this is what they need to survive a little while longer.

It's illegal. It has to be, because they are _too young_, and this feels _too good_.

_(Kyoko whispers into Sayaka's mouth and she moans back)_

But they are in a world where they are going to die _(are already dead)_ and they don't deserve anyone else.

Afterwards, as the shocks and pleasure dies down, they curl up together, listening to the rain on the thin roof of the motel room Kyoko acquired for tonight.

And she talks about Mami. About how she died, and how that almost made her change her mind, but then came her wish.

Kyoko ends up staring at the blue haired girl, who is silently crying over the kind sempai of hers. And Kyoko's eyes burn but she _(can't)_ won't cry for Mami(-san).

She does, though, the next day confront Akemi Homura over it.

She's angry. She knows it. Mami(-san) was her sempai too, and from what Sayaka said, Homura let her die.

The explanation catches her in surprise.

"Say what?"

It turns out that Homura failed to warn Mami(-san) properly about the witch's danger and was perceived as a threat.

Homura had been bound and her powers sealed.

_(which means Mami killed herself, in a way)_

Kyoko lets it be.

She goes back to watching over Sayaka and takes a hit for her, allowing her to kill the witch. And Sayaka hands over the Grief Seed. When she questioned her on this, she refused to allow herself to use Grief Seeds. It would be a bad thing.

Kyoko lets it pass, but reaches out and gives her a kiss anyways.

_(because she can't forget her or that night)_

And then...

She dies.

Or more aptly, Sayaka dies. And her Witch is born.

Kyoko breaks. And remembers

_(she was like that, so good and kind and this world killed that and made her bury it deep inside)_

Sayaka brings back the old Kyoko with her death. And the old Kyoko desperately tries to bring Sayaka back from witchhood.

Madoka is her best friend. She had to be able to do something.

_(she doesn't think that that night could have meant something)_

It wasn't enough.

So she moves to really attack. She thinks back _(a warm family and happy life)_ and prays.

(_"I beg you, God... If this is how my life ends... Let me see a happy dream, just once..."_)

She shatters herself, her soul, to take out the witch.

But it's also so Sayaka won't be lonely.

As she rises, and dissipates, she catches hold of Sayaka.

She curls around her and holds her close. She stares at her, smiling in understanding.

"You aren't alone."

Sayaka quietly, shyly returns it, hesitantly reaching back.

And sudden, Kyoko realizes, as they finally dissolve...

No. This isn't love.

_**It is so much more.**_

-end-

A/N: -looks up at what was written and starts crying- Sob...I hate sad endings. Why did I write this? -cries- Anyways, I hope someone liked this. Reviewers get little magic pastries.

In other news, I'm working on a _**Puella Magi**_/_**Bleach**_ crossover, where Kyoko and Sayaka end up in Soul Society during the Soul Society Arc. I got one chapter done, but I'd like to have a few more handy before I start posting. Plus, I positive that fight scene I made sucked. It will be called _**What I Wanted**_, and will have KyoSaya and GrimmIchi, with maybe a few other minor pairings in the background.

Another thing I'm working on is a much more cheery AU _**Puella Magi**_ one-shot. Also KyoSaya, with side HomuMado. That should be posted soon enough. Thank you for reading and please drop a review to tell me what you thought. I like to improve my writing as much as possible.

~ Love Psycho


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